I CAN MOONWALK!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
