I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
