Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
