dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
