I met the friendliest cop last night
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
