Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
