i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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