I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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