my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
