I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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