it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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