I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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