oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
