im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
