u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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