You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
