I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
