You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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