hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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