I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize