My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
