On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
