is your mom at the bar?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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