i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
