Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Let's get the cat blown out
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
