The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
