Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
