Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
