Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
