I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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