I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
