so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
