Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
As shirtless as possible
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
