you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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