I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
