WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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