Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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