so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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