clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
