dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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