i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
