I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
