Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
