Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
