I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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