I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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