He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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