I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
