I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
