Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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