I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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