Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
