I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
