I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
