i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
