I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
