Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
