Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
