the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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