so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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