she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
