Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he just fucked me for my cheese.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
