About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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