I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
