covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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