It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
