I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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