I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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