you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
