I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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