i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
