Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
