Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
