Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just google imaged poop.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
