Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we're making bets on your personal life
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
