Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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