mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
